My new blog. I hopefully hope to crank out a post a week, so feel free to check it out. And share it if you feel the information is relevant. Sharing this kind of information & helping others is my new goal in life. I’m not there yet, but I’m all about the hustle so I will be :]
Size vs. gender.
Whenever I train with a beginner I feel very apprehensive. Apprehensive because they can be unpredictable. Apprehensive because I’ve gotten injured by a beginner before. Apprehensive because how the fuck do I know if the stranger I’m rolling around with on the floor is hygienic or not?
When I got injured, I was grappling and got this bigger guy (who was a beginner) into an armbar from guard twice before in the round. So the next time I was going a little slower so he could escape but was also transitioning into a triangle (because variety is the spice of life or some shit like that). He ended up picking me up and slamming me and I injured my neck (UH THIS AIN’T PRIDE BRO & you ain’t Rampage). So yeah that was one beginner experience that stood out for me.(I ended up having to pull out of a tournament I had payed & trained for).
So today I was told to spar (Muay Thai) with this new kid (he was probably a teenager). And I was a bit apprehensive because of the whole unpredictability issue. It was weird though because he wasn’t even hitting or doing anything even though I was hitting him. And that’s when I realized he didn’t want to hit me because I’m a girl.My instructor Bryce asked if that was true and he said yes. And then Bryce was all “You’re going to wish you hit her when you guys grapple and she armbars you” lol.
I guess what I’m trying to say is take your partners size into consideration. I’m 4’11 95 pounds so even if you’re a beginner, chances are there are still ways you can do damage to me (especially if you’re a bigger muscular guy). I’m fucking logical and I can admit that size does matter. To me size is a bigger deal than gender.
Straighten my hair, do my makeup, do my nails, get dressed, look hot.
Then proceed to shadowbox and eat ice cream out of the carton as I’m waiting for my friends to get ready hahaha.
Lamest spring break ever
Still not recovered from my wisdom teeth being pulled out.
All I wanted to do was to grapple, eat steak, drink beer, have sexytime with this one cute dude, smoke weed, party it up.
New quarter on Monday. I need to get back my 3.9 GPA. Maybe I’ll do a martial arts competition again. Because when I’m competing I apparently magically do better in school too hahahahahha.
Went to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned, ended up getting my wisdom teeth yanked out. I’m pretty anal about somethings (I know you guys will want to enter a dirty joke here). But yeah if I have plans I get super stressed out when they’re suddenly changed….I am trying to work on that. BUT ANYWAYS I ended up going to the dojo anyways since my brother had a private lesson my mom was driving to so my drugged up ass decided to tag along. I mean it’s not like I’m going to have an impromptu teeth extraction fuck up my already planned out day.
I surprisingly felt way better on the bags than I did yesterday, which was ironic since my mouth was all bloody, I had only eaten oatmeal today & I was so groggy. Yesterday my instructor Bryce was straight up “Divya your form and technique are beautiful but you need to stop hitting like a sissy it needs more power”. Today I felt like I was hitting way harder, like I was ten times more relaxed (probably because of the medicine), and I even felt more comfortable executing fancy shit like flying knees, spinning elbows, superman punches etc. I feel like instead of overly analyzing I was just doing it. I just seemed to flow way better. And funnily when I was more relaxed, my power seemed to just feel natural.
I guess me being a high strung, type A, inflexible, stressed out personality type also plays into my fighting. I need to fix that aspect of my personality in both my everyday life and my training.
I’m a girl who was raised on Disney classics & Bollywood films. How the hell did I become so cynically realistic about love? If anything my exposure to these films as a young child should have naively bolstered my faith in love & the concept of “happily ever after”, not torn it down. I personally believe that Disney and romantic comedies are part of the reason why there are a lot of delusional bitches who think the world revolves around them finding their “one true love”. However, why am I not one of them?! Perhaps George Carlin is right- “inside every cynical person is a disappointed idealist”. However, there is a fine line between cynicism and realism. I must strive to be a realist- not a cynic.
When I deactivate Facebook & it tells me my crush will miss me.
STOP PLAYING FACEBOOK AIN’T NOBODY GONNA MISS ME.
Slept in a little.
Went to class.
Went to my internship.
Went to work.
Went to training.
Now I have to study for midterms….but I am on Tumblr. I’m obviously more productive when I’m out & about….away from the distractive black hole known as the internet.
I want to say and carry on but that would be cliche as fuck.
Anyways, yesterday was the first time I went into training in awhile. I’m not slacking, I’m just working on fixing my body, my scoliosis, my pain, my posture and my bio-mechanics I feel like I’m at that point in my training where it’s the main thing holding me back (as well as gaining dat weight). We did mostly stand-up and we did this one drill against the cage where two people were just punching, slipping, blocking and punching back. And when I did it against my 6’8 sensei he actually said my timing was getting good and I was actually able to get some good shots in to his face (WTF I’m like 4’11). One of my teammates was all “Damn this girls got some fight in her” (one of my teammates who is really good and who I admire as a martial artist). Which is weird because getting hit with flurries of punches used to trip the shit outta me.
Anyways, I realized the key to that drill is to not get worked up at all. Even if you do get hit, you have to make sure you keep your center (bio-mechanically speaking and philosophically speaking) and just see where to go from there. You have to roll with the punches (another cliche as fuck phrase) and see how you can deal with the current shit storm that is heading your way. Because backing up or closing your eyes, you’re not PROGRESSING or effectively DEALING WITH IT.
We all have periods of life where everything seems to be going wrong, it’s like life decides to throw bomb after bomb at us, trying to make us give up & throw in the towel. This is when it’s especially important for us to remember our center and keep calm because when we have our center it’s way easier to figure out how to tackle the bombs and get past it to achieve what we want. When we get worked up we get emotional, and when we’re emotional we are not thinking logically as to how to most effectively deal with the problem at hand.
I have a lot of friends who are guys (probably more than friends who are girls). I don’t know what that means about me as a girl, people have differing opinions as to whether that is positive or negative.
But sometimes it’s inevitable that a friendship turns into a romance, and sometimes a tumultuous one. But at the end of it all, you might not end up friends anymore. You both try (or maybe you don’t) but it doesn’t work out, there is too much bullshit from the past tainting your future. And that makes me sad. Not in an “I’m pining for him to romantically stand outside my window like some ’80s teen movie”, but rather “I heard a beautiful song or saw a stupid Youtube video that I wish I could send to him”. Or I wish we could have those long Facebook chats where we open up to each other and talk about meaningful things, not even in a sexual/romantic sort of way.
But having lost one of my good friends who I had a deep connection with due to being romantically involved, it makes me wary to even consider dating any of my other guy friends (no matter how single, cute and awesome they are). Not because I am teasing, or playing or being a bitch but it’s because I’m scared to lose that friendship. Maybe that’s something guys don’t think about because it’s ~ALL ABOUT HITTING DAT PUSSY~ but to me, having good vibes and positive connections around me matters so I wouldn’t want to do anything to compromise that. So dating friends of the opposite sex: It’s a risk- and how do you know it’s worth it?
So last quarter I took a course in Preventive Health. If you know me at all, you’d know I’d be all over this shit. I was. I was so passionate about the topics learned in that course, it honestly didn’t even feel like work. I got to write a research paper on the effects of stress using Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers, a book I read FOR FUN over the summer. Studying for that final wasn’t bad either, I remember the night before the final I got into an intense debate with my friends boyfriend over how putting antibiotics in the meat we consume actually DOES have a negative health impact…which was pretty much studying since it’s information we went over in that course. I honestly felt ecstatic after finishing that final, especially the essay portion where I got to talk about possible SOLUTIONS rather than merely reiterating the problem.
Anyways, when I got that final grade back, it said I failed the final, and my grade in that class went down from an A to a B. I cried for a day, because I’m hella Asian like that. But after, I got the fuck over it. WHY? Because I’m actually APPLYING the knowledge and principles that I learned in that class. Not only in my personal life choices, but in my internship. So anyways, I emailed my professor asking if I could see where I went wrong on the exam, and she emailed me back saying that there was a mistake in the recording of my grade- I didn’t fail the final, I actually got an A+, which was the highest grade in the class.
But then I realized- it is meaningless. A lot of the time, grades are meaningless to stress over if knowledge is what you value. And knowledge is meaningless unless you are able to apply it. Merely complaining about problems is meaningless unless you are brainstorming and providing alternatives & solutions to solve them.
It’s Saturday night. I should be pregaming drinking some hard alcohol. But I just got back from training: did bagwork, a little stand up sparring and a lot of grappling. It’s funny how training gets me thinking pseudo-philosophical, seemingly inspiring thoughts about my life- but it does. I guess there’s more to fighting than just merely beating the shit out of each other (unless you’re a wannabe Tapout bro or some try hard tough guy).
Anyways, today my partner said I have gotten a lot better with not just being aggressive, but when I have an opportunity taking it & making sure I get it, regardless of whether my opponent is resisting. And even if that opportunity doesn’t happen, going with the flow to create a new opportunity to finish.
That’s how I aspire to be not only in my fight game, but in my life game. Chances are, nobody is going to just hand you the best opportunities in life, sometimes you have to be assertive enough to just take matters into your own hands. Just like nobody who is good at grappling will just give you their arm, or nobody who is great at stand up will just stick their chin out there for you. You have to manipulate it, work for it, create the opportunity to succeed.