Reblog so people know who you are
Name: Divya
Tumblr Name: little-fighter
Nickname(s): Div, Diva, Hobbit and most recently DJ Div Nasty (watch out Skrillex)
Birthday: June 24th!
Relationship Status: Not single, not in a relationship. I like it that way.
Random fact about you: I talk to myself sometimes. I don’t think it’s because I’m crazy but rather because I am quite the witty conversationalist.
(Source: mstrueimage)
I don’t get why girls wear really low cut shirts when doing Jiu-Jitsu. Tapping to tit is hella awkward.
It’s not about being/looking “cute” when training because you’re surrounded by mostly men. It’s about putting in 110% effort and trying to improve every day you train.
Or maybe that’s just me. I’m usually the girl in no makeup dripping in sweat with my hair all messy and what not. So I guess you could argue that I sound jealous right now.
Whatever- I look cute with makeup and low cut tops when I go out. Just not when I’m training because my focus when training is to better myself.
Doing the nasty.
| Me: | Last night I did the unspeakable with this guy. |
| My friend: | OMG Div did you do something extra kinky in bed? |
| Me: | No, worse- I opened up to him about my feelings & my past. |
I’ll be M.I.A.
Not the rapper. But I am taking a break from Tumblr for awhile. School is really stressing me out right now and I cannot afford to fail Programming or Chemistry.
Cutting out Tumblr is hard for me since it’s my favorite site but I waste the most time on it, so it’s obviously the most logical. I’ll still be on Facebook & Twitter if you need to reach me/miss me/whatever.
I just figured I’d say I’m taking a break just in case people wonder why I’m not answering my asks, I’m not ignoring you- I’m just ignoring Tumblr right now.
This is one of those times that I kind of wish I chose drug dealing or burger flipping instead of college.
I always skip breakfast when I don’t have class. Mostly because I’m lazy. That needs to stop. These seem like reasonably easy ideas for breakfast though. I need to gain at least 10 lbs before August. LET’S DO THIS.
(Source: justletgo731)
Weekend realizations.
Because I tend to stumble upon self-realizations when I am a social butterfly rather than a socially lazy sloth…..
- Edibles are probably my weakness. It’s a good thing I’m way too lazy to make them. I don’t get high that often (because of training & college), but I think for me it’s good to do every once in awhile. I am naturally a very hyperactive/anal/high strung person so it’s nice to slow down for a bit. To notice the small, wonderful things in life that I never notice. To just relax, and get the feeling that everything is going to be alright, regardless of the petty bullshit that I usually get so hung up over.
- I am a sapiosexual. I cannot be with a man who is unable match me intellectually, no doubt about it. However, when this is added to the laundry list of traits I look for in a man, it probably makes me even more forever alone. It’s even worse when I meet a charming, attractive man who I can casually flirt with but realize that nothing meaningful can come of it realistically.
- There is no reason I should feel bad when encountering a guy that I turned down. Even if he attempts to make me feel bad for turning him down, and calls me a bitch who friend zones- I AM NOT. Because I think the nice thing to do is be honest with a man instead of leading him on. It’s not fair to a guy to do that, he also deserves someone who honestly has feelings for him.
Ugh whenever I grapple against someone who is like 115 pounds I get HELLA pissed. I’m 98 pounds, but against someone who is like 115/120 pounds, I do really well if they’re a beginner. Even when they’re someone who is more experienced than me I still feel like I can hold my own positionally and maybe even get a submission if I keep my cool. That’s how my first competition SHOULD have been for me. Fighting someone who is small (but still bigger than me) and doing surprisingly well against them.
Instead for my first grappling competition I ended up going against girls who were 50 pounds heavier than me. It was bad.
I know I obviously have to gain weight but that’s hard for me. Not even because of an eating disorder thing. But more like I’m naturally tiny. I naturally have a fast metabolism. My body rarely physically feels hunger (unless I smoke weed, but I can’t afford to smoke weed all the time), so it’s hard for me to force myself to eat excess calories. Plus, I’m at a healthy, natural weight for my height.
I want to compete but there’s no point in doing so at that huge of a weight difference. Especially starting out. How can I prove myself in competion if there is such a huge weight difference? Yeah people like Marcelo Garcia & Caio Terra do stuff like that but they have had years of experience. To gain that experience I need to compete against people who are closer in weight.
I guess all I can do right now if focus on eating, physical training and technique. I am what I am and dwelling on it too much is not productive. I can do it. It just takes time.
My Judo technique has been so sucky lately- look how much I’m bending when throwing someone. I miss my Judo Sensei, he had a mini stroke so is obviously not able to teach. He was super tiny and learned from Mifune who was also super tiny (and the student of the founder of Judo). I seriously used to call him Yoda (well obviously not to his face), which is like the highest term of endearment IMO- tiny old people who still kick ass haha. It’s like straight up Jedi shit for a man that old with a pace maker to still be on the mat throwing people.
I honestly had no interest in learning Judo, but my instructors kind of made me do it. When I first started I basically got thrown for like an hour and a half and then went to my car and cried. Learning the techniques and actually making them work was hard too, because I’m small so I have less room for error since I can’t rely on my strength. But as much as falling sucks, when you’re actually throwing people it’s kind of fun. I actually started to enjoy it, especially when my Sensei would show me special “tiny person techniques” haha. But ever since my Sensei stopped being able to teach, I haven’t been working on refining my Judo techniques.
But yeah I guess the point of this post is that I need to start working on my Judo again. Because it will help my Jiu-Jitsu. Or MMA. But most importantly because I like it now.
Lately.
(+) Got accepted into University of California San Diego. I’m super psyched about my major (no pun intended). It’s great to truly be interested about what you intend to study.
(+) Met one of my idols Henry Rollins. I define an idol as someone who pushes me to better myself, whether it’s through music, words, art whatever. Henry Rollins has definitely done that ever since I stumbled upon the world of punk rock in the 8th grade. And then reading his writings in high school, I swore he was like the male version of me, I could relate to everything he said. I’m sure Tumblr knows what I’m talking about since his quotes usually have like 4098403834509 notes.
(-) Feeling like my eating disorder/bdd is creeping up on me again. It’s not like I can’t control it, but it is still something that I deal with. I guess that stuff never really goes away completely, which is kind of annoying. I think being perfect is so much more badass. No vulnerability at all.
(-) It sucks that my crush is taken yet still flirts with me. Forever a bro? But I guess bros don’t engage in seemingly innocuous flirtation….unless they are in a bromance.
“
I can never really tell if Divya is drunk or sober. Mainly because singing and dancing in public to Backstreet Boys is probably something she would do sober.
My friends know me WAY too well.
Lol wat Facebook just suggested that I add myself. I guess it is important to have a friendship with yourself. And I am fucking awesome.
Scattered thoughts.
- I hate dating. I have to do it though. I am so lazy and incredulous about guys in general. Plus the whole ritual seems kind of boring you know? Like forced. Going on a date with someone who I know I’m compatible with is chill. But when it’s someone who I don’t really know, I’m always “EH” about it. I’d rather be home in my pjs, drinking wine and browsing Tumblr. Like there is seriously something wrong with me if I’m more complacent with a fuck buddy than a boyfriend. It’s not like I even don’t want a boyfriend, but there is no point being in a relationship unless I really like him. And finding that guy is pretty hard. I am trying not to randomly turn every guy down though. So I have a date on Saturday. With a cute guy, who seems smart and likes MMA. However, I am not really jazzed. I’m straight…I swear.
- It’s so cool to see that one of my training partners is working with one of the current UFC champions in Brazil (like one of the most well known people in the UFC). It’s great seeing the people that I train with and look up to (in terms of martial arts) doing big things with some of the most established people in the sport. I guess a lot of people nowadays want to get into MMA just to make a big name for themselves, for the lights, for the fame etc. Just because someone hasn’t fought in a pro organization yet, does not mean that they haven’t accumulated some dope technique. I would much rather learn from those people. But yeah it’s cool to see the people I know and train with regularly who have kept a low radar and have been working so hard on their technique to get recognition from the best. I am so excited to see big things coming from them in the near future :)
- I hate how people are like “Woah you want to major in Psychology? EVERYONE is doing that, it’s such a stupid major”. I believe that if I am genuinely interested in Psychology, then it is to my advantage. To be extremely passionate about your major (whatever it is), will hopefully separate you from the rest of the herd. Moreover, I think I will be more successful in a major like that (despite the fact that everyone is doing it), rather than doing a major like Computer Science, just because I am interested in it. I will delve further into the subject, be able to think for myself, make more connections, and most importantly, I ENJOY learning about it. Even if I don’t make as much money, I still think I will be happier.
This is my view when training Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu on Saturday afternoons. Yeah I know the Southern Californian life seems so difficult at times ;)
Lack of perspective.
The fact that I’m freaking out so much about my computer programming class is bad. Like legit freaking out. Freaking out that I suddenly don’t understand anything. Freaking out that my lab is due tomorrow and no program that I am writing fucking works. Freaking out because no matter how many times I go over this shit, it doesn’t make sense. Freaking out because I have to tell my professor that I am not understanding anything in a class which was making sense to me before. Freaking out because I need this class for my Psychology major at UCSD.
It’s mad whack though since there are people who are enduring MUCH worse things around the world right now, just read the headlines from today.
However, the fact that I am freaking out about failing a lab when others are dying is consequently leading me to freak out even more. Logically speaking a sentiment like that should comfort me a little bit. Yet, here I am still freaking out.
Part of me just wants to give up and go to bed. Because I am not productive at all when I’m flustered like this.
I guess this post shall be classified under #FirstWorldProblems
