"So therefore I dedicate myself to myself, to my art, my sleep, my dreams, my labors, my sufferances, my loneliness, my unique madness, my endless absorption and hunger- because I cannot dedicate myself to any fellow being."
 Jack Kerouac (via whyallcaps)
Not In Love
Crystal Castles feat. Robert Smith


Won’t give you my heart, no one lives there anymore

Got my Star Wars geek on when I was up in Anaheim area for that fitness convention a couple of weeks ago. I am the correct size to be an ewok :)

Having feelings for a guy is scary. The fact that the deep dark abyss that is my soul is now filled with elation makes me want to pump the breaks and run away. Even though he treats me well and we have this indelible chemistry, I always have this lingering incredulous skepticism which stems from my past relationshits with men. And I’m slightly anxious it’ll fuck up my future GOOD relationships with men.

It’s funny how I’m always so quick to spar, don’t give too many fucks anymore about getting physically hurt. But when it’s ANYTHING to do with feelings, I just avoid it completely because I don’t want to get hurt.

I’m actually not soulless, I’m just scared


Keeping The Same Tabs Open For 9 Days Straight Because They Contain Information Relevant To Tasks You’re Too Lazy To Complete - A novel by me

"We are uncomfortable because everything in our life keeps changing — our inner moods, our bodies, our work, the people we love, the world we live in. We can’t hold on to anything — a beautiful sunset, a sweet taste, an intimate moment with a lover, our very existence as the body/mind we call self — because all things come and go. Lacking any permanent satisfaction, we continuously need another injection of fuel, stimulation, reassurance from loved ones, medicine, exercise, and meditation. We are continually driven to become something more, to experience something else."
Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha (via creatingaquietmind)

Fill so your followers can get to know you

State your name: Divya
State the name that your parents almost named you: Shambavi 
Which of your relatives do you get along with the most? Probably my sister or older female cousins.
Did anything embarrassing happen this week? Walk of shaming it into work, and having my co-workers call me out. This happened twice this week -_-
Do people praise you for your looks? Sometimes. 
What is your favorite color of clothing to wear? Black like my soul.
Do you work out every week? I work out mostly everyday. Personal Trainer lifestyle yo.
Do you like your smile? No.
Do you like your eyes? No, but everyone else seems to.
Do you think you are pretty? Some days.
How much money is in your account? Enough to live, but not THAT much. Ballin’ on a budget.
Are you single? I hate that weird in between stage of dating the same person regularly, having that mutual attraction yet not being in a relationship. I have no idea what my relationship status is.
Do you want kids? Not really. My spine is so fucked up if I were pregnant I’d be on bed rest for 9 months. Well, I guess I could Netflix.
What does your backpack look like: It’s Betsey Johnson, black with quilted pink skulls on it :)
What celebrity do you think is attractive? Milo Ventimiglia.
Last movie you saw in theaters: TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!

Been a crazy ass week, Been up in Anaheim since Wednesday for the Idea Fitness Conference, which is one of the biggest in the world, people from all over came together to learn and further their passion for inspiring others to pursue fitness/wellness. I learned so much new information, sitting through seminars, I attended 14 seminars ranging  from gait to functional movement screen to nutrition to choosing the right footwear to reactive training and took such detailed notes in my Wonder Woman notebook, that my right hand is a little swollen and my thumb hurts lol. 

In addition to learning through lecture, I attended two kickass workouts which taught me a lot (one was an MMA bootcamp and the other was rotational movement training). I also attended the expo and bought a lot of new training toys (I usually can’t afford full priced training equipment) AND got tons of free samples (it was like Costco on steroids). I also got a ton of Quest bars and a recipe book on how to bake healthy desserts with them so I’m stoked on that.

But most importantly I’m excited to apply the knowledge I’ve learned not only to better myself, but to aid others in instituting positive changes in their life based on the latest research/techniques :)

"Efficiency for me is an obsession. It not only helps me get stronger but makes things simpler."
Georges St-Pierre (via mountedcrucifix)